The Dick Van Dyke Show

Head comedy writer Rob Petrie talks his wife Laura into leaving their slightly sick son Ritchie at home with a babysitter while they attend a party at the home of his boss.

Laura thinks she is losing her sex appeal so she decides to dye her hair blond, then changes her mind when Rob says he loves her with brown hair on the phone.

Much to Rob's horror, Laura tries her hand at matchmaking when she invites her quiet introverted cousin Thomas over for a meal with exactly the opposite Sally.

Rob suffers with guilt when he has to go on a business trip the night of his son's play

While rummaging through Rob's old army equipment, Rob and Laura recall that he broke her foot the night they met.

When an old Army buddy comes for a visit, Rob can't remember who he is.

Laura begins to worry when Rob has to work nights with a beautiful TV star.

Rob and Richie find themselves more than a little lost when Laura briefly resumes her dancing career.

Without checking with Laura, Rob agrees to look after Buddy's dog over the upcoming long weekend. Not only do Laura and Richie have other plans, Richie is terrified the large dog will eat him.

Rob feigns bemusement at Buddy's new "Meershatz pipe", but is secretly envious that it was a gift from their boss, Alan Brady.

After scolding Richie for being forgetful, Rob belatedly realizes that he forgot to reserve tickets to The Alan Brady Show, which he had promised to the local PTA.

Rob buys Laura a hideous necklace but Laura can't bring herself to tell Rob how she really feels about it. When Rob invites his parents to see the necklace, his mother has a surprising reaction.

Rob is accused of being a Don Juan when he takes his wife's advice and stops treating Sally as one of the boys.

Buddy has a chance for a head writer job. Rob and Sally help Buddy get released from his contract to "The Alan Brady Show". The plan backfires, so Rob and Sally have to find an ingenious way to get Buddy re-hired.

Rob recalls the hilarious events leading up to Ritchie's birth when Ritchie asks the inevitable question.

After bickering with Laura over her habit of preemptively opening his mail, Rob decides to write a comedy sketch based on this. A success upon broadcast, friends and acquaintances recognize Laura as the inspiration for the sketch, causing her embarrassment.

Jerry teases Rob about the quality of The Alan Brady Show. Amused at Rob's annoyance, Jerry devises increasingly elaborate ways of expressing his derision.

Laura chides Rob for not collecting money owed to him by Buddy. Confusion ensues after Rob's tentative attempts to remind Buddy of the debt.

When his show announces a talent contest, Rob finds himself besieged by the parents of neighborhood prodigies.

Ritchie's expanding vocabulary starts to branch out in unexpected directions.

While his wife is away, Buddy stays with the Petries and quickly wears out his welcome.

Rob is invited to talk to Richie's class about what he does for a living. However, Richie hates the idea, thinking the other kids will be bored listening to his dad talk about comedy writing.

Sally drags the entire gang to a bowling alley when she discovers a new dance sensation that's sure to sweep the nation.

Rob embarrasses himself at jury duty when he finds himself attracted to the defendant, a former exotic dancer accused of diamond smuggling.

Romance enters Sally's life in the form of an insurance salesman named Leo Fassbinder.

Rob's bashful brother arrives in town and proves to be confident and outgoing only when he is sleepwalking.

Rob's brother auditions for the show while awake.

Buddy's lamentation over the decline in the preeminence of the American male leads Rob to daydream about the past.

Rob faces a dilemma when a rambunctious old army pal must be told he cannot attend a special dinner party that the Petries are throwing to make an impression with an Alan Brady Show sponsor.

Rob convinces his old mentor, Happy Spangler, to join the writing staff of The Alan Brady Show; but Happy seems more interested in telling about his life than in doing any work.

Rob brings home two baby ducks left over from the show, and Ritchie becomes attached to them. When one dies and the other becomes ill, Rob must convince him that wild animals are happier when left in the wild.

To prove that a wife cannot always recognize her husband on the phone, Rob disguises his voice and calls Laura.

Rob tells Ritchie the story about how a crippled jeep and a sprained ankle made Rob two hours late for his own wedding.

Rob discovers Laura's secret bank account. Its mystery preoccupies his thoughts till he finally has to confront her and ask what it's for.

Rob doesn't know what he's in for when he invites Buddy's charming, pool hustling brother Blackie over for dinner and a friendly game of billiards.

A hypnotist visits a Petrie dinner party where Rob accidentally picks up a post-hypnotic suggestion.

Ritchie finds his birth certificate and wants an explanation for his middle name.

When handsome Ric Vallone is the guest star on the Alan Brady Show, Rob grows increasingly concerned that Sally is falling madly for the star, who is unaware of this complication.

Rob and Laura have a terrible fight after each has experienced a difficult day. Afterwards, each of them remember the fight very differently.

Rob is beginning to feel that Buddy and Sally are avoiding him. He starts to suspect that Buddy and Sally may be moonlighting for another comedy show, or worse - having an affair.

Ritchie claims he is being attacked by a giant woodpecker, but Rob and Laura are convinced it's just a bid for attention.

Rob begins to fear that he is allergic to his own family when proximity to Laura and Ritchie makes him start sneezing.

Rob suffers pangs of guilt after a dental emergency arises while Jerry's out of town, forcing Rob to accept treatment from another dentist whom Rob finds superior.

While directing the annual variety show sponsored by his talented neighbors, Rob becomes frustrated by spousal jealousies as he tries to pair the perfect "Cleopatra" to "Mark Antony" for the lead roles.

A successive string of neighborhood cat burglaries makes the Petries and the Helpers jumpy, all of whom get victimized despite their hypervigilance over every little sound.

Rob sneaks in and plants a big kiss on Laura only to find it isn't Laura at all but an old flame of his from high school who is in New York for an audition.

Rob recounts the wrath and fury he encountered when he broke his engagement with his hometown sweetheart after he and Laura became engaged.

Rob goes on an interview show, where he is tricked into describing Laura as a nut.

Facing off with Mel over a rejected script, Rob leaves the show, fuming when Buddy and Sally don't join him.

Rob enjoys a scary sci-fi movie on TV while Laura cowers under the bed covers so as to not hear it. When the show ends, Rob further tortures Laura by telling the tale of Kolak, a visitor from the planet Twilo who resembles Danny Thomas and deploys walnuts to steal Earthlings' thumbs and imaginations. Rob awakes in the morning to a living room strewn with walnuts and Laura preparing scrambled walnuts for Rob's breakfast. Everyone at the office is acting as if Kolak really existed. Is Rob dreaming or is Laura having her revenge?

Rob wonders why Laura is angry with him, and learns she objects to his habit of picking up checks when they go out with their friends, jeopardizing Richie's college future.

Laura is convinced that Rob will hurt himself on a ski trip, and when he actually does, Rob tries to hide his injuries rather than admit she was right.

Rob and Laura hire a painter who seems to want to do anything but paint their walls.

The gang vacations at Rob's army buddy's new resort, but when Rob incapacitates its headlining comic, he gets the gang to help put on a show to make up for it.

Rob plans to make himself scarce when he hears French heartthrob Jacques Savon is Alan's guest star, a man whose marriage Rob feels responsible for breaking up. Oddly enough, Laura feels responsible, too.

In answer to an invitation, the Petries attend a swank dinner party thrown by wealthy Mrs. Huntington, which later reveals itself to be a fund raiser where Rob's compliant gesture turns into a donation far beyond his means.

Tracy Rattigan, the show's guest host while Alan Brady's on vacation, is a charming but incorrigible flirt, the extent of which Laura and Rob discover to their discomfort.

Suspected infidelity puts Buddy's marriage to Pickles in jeopardy, and Rob, friends to both, finds himself situated between an enraged husband and an hysterical wife.

Laura's old beau re-enters the Petries' lives as Alan Brady's newest sponsor. His appearance coincides with Rob's agitation over personal finances, triggering insecurities.

Rob drives himself beyond distraction trying to figure out whether Laura is going to throw him a surprise party for his birthday and, if she IS going to throw a surprise party, when and where it's going to happen.

Sally gets a marriage proposal from an opportunistic comic who wants her to write his material.

Rob submits a sketch about a talking bowling pin which Alan Brady loves, but trouble arises when it is revealed that a rival comedian has already used that same material.

During a flashback about his early days as a parent, Rob recounts why he believed Laura and he brought home a baby belonging to someone else.

Rob's unguarded gestures at an auction have him unwittingly bidding on and winning an ugly clown painting that covers another work beneath, perhaps a masterpiece.

Rob would like to know why Laura disappears every time his insurance agent Ed Rubin comes over or calls. Laura is forced to confess to Rob that she lied about her age on their marriage certificate and that she was 17 instead of the 19 that she claimed to be. Rob has to now find out whether he and Laura are still legally married.

Rob and Laura must go out of town to make their marriage legal without their friends finding out, but a marital squabble before Judge Krata might prevent it.

Having unintentionally eavesdropped on the Helpers, Rob and Laura become infuriated just prior to attending their dinner party, making for a seriously disquieting evening.

As director of the annual area variety show, Rob finds himself trapped between casting Laura as this year's leading woman (again) or a dazzlingly talented newcomer to the neighborhood.

After receiving a bump on the head at the office, Rob develops temporary amnesia and winds up at a swinging party in New Jersey with no idea how he got there.

When Uncle George comes for a visit, they try to fix him up with Herman's mother only to have him flip for Sally.

A man with suspected underworld connections asks Rob, Sally and Buddy to write a comedy routine for his untalented nephew - a favor they fear for their lives to either decline or accept.

Rob and Jerry's friendship is sorely tested when they buy a boat together.

Rob hires a maid through the classifieds and ends up with a woman fresh from Barcelona who speaks no English, has a broken arm, and expects to work as a live-in.

Rob struggles between his civic duty and fear for his family's safety when he believes he can identify the two robbers in a jewelry store holdup.

The Alan Brady Show puts on a special Christmas themed episode full of musical numbers and Christmas fun.

Rob becomes the victim of undying gratitude and amorous attentions when he elevates a talented young chorus girl to a featured role on the show.

Rob's job is threatened, and his work relationships throttled, by a news article praising him more than Alan for the success of The Alan Brady Show, all thanks to Laura.

A suave bachelor moves in next door, and Rob and Laura compete as matchmakers. Rob sets him up with Sally, and Laura arranges a date with her clumsy but sophisticated cousin.

By pure chance, the tall, handsome, stud bachelor Rob meets at the golf course used to write love sonnets to Laura, which she kept.

A social game of poker turns sour when it's discovered Rob has been playing with a marked deck.

Rob makes a lot of trouble for himself when he decides to hold Ritchie's birthday party at home rather than at an amusement park -- for sixty three screaming kids.

Rob consults a psychiatrist to determine whether a series of mysterious ailments is psychosomatic.

Buddy and Rob are left writing the script without Sally when she becomes a hit as a regular guest on late night talk show.

With Sally away, Laura wants to help Rob at the office. He resists, but his inability to find even remotely adequate help forces him to relent, and sparks fly when her success outshines his security.

Rob recalls the hectic time of his Army marriage to Laura, and their trouble getting away for a honeymoon.

A sultry, yet manipulative guest star has Mel replaced by Rob as producer for her appearance on the Alan Brady Show, much to Rob's discomfort.

The Petrie's parents fight over where Laura and Rob should be buried. They have to decide which burial plot to choose without upsetting their in-laws.

Laura dreads telling Rob about the big passenger side scratch she found on their brand new car when she went shopping in it.

Alan Brady is on vacation so Rob arranges for Edwin Carp and other stars of the golden era of radio comedy to guest on a tv special.

Laura once commissioned an artist for a portrait of herself. The painter took artistic license, rendering her nude and now has the painting on display in an art gallery for all to see.Note: This episode was colorized and shown on CBS-TV on December 22, 2017, and again on July 3, 2020 to mark the passing of Carl Reiner as it was one of his favorite episodes of the series.

With Laura out of town for a few days, Rob tries to figure out what to do in his spare time. Eventually, he looks in on an old Army buddy, who is at a nightclub. Unfortunately, it results in confusion that ultimately lands Rob behind bars.

Rob and Laura spot their neighbor Jerry at a fancy restaurant with a pretty blonde. They suspect him of having an affair, and his lack of candor seems to confirm their fears. They try to squirm out a confession and save his marriage.

Fearing he may be going bald, Rob tries a dubious homemade remedy formulated by Buddy's barber.

Laura takes a creative writing course, and the teacher extols Laura's writing abilities. Rob infers from this unwarranted attention that Mr. Caldwell is using Laura to meet him. In fact, Mr. Caldwell's interest is only in Laura.

When a drunk accosts Laura and Rob in a downtown bar, Laura surprises Rob by using a judo throw that flattens the man. Rob begins to feel inadequate as the "protector" of his household and sets out to prove a point with Laura.

After a mix up by Mel for reservations at a lodge, Rob, Laura, Sally and Buddy are forced to spend a frightening night in a cabin that has not been used in years and is rumored to be haunted.

Rob and Laura are unaware that their teenage baby sitter has a crush on Laura.

A disagreement over a neighbor's lawn almost breaks up Rob and Jerry's friendship.

An old friend of Rob's shows up to offer him a job with his hugely successful but racy gentlemen's magazine. Rob says he won't do it, but Laura is not so sure. Rob is sorely tempted by the wining, dining and the beautiful girls.

A red rose found in Sally's desk bespeaks of a secret admirer, but when she learns his identity, she doesn't take it seriously (but should).

On their way to an appointment with Laura's doctor, Rob and his pregnant wife end up stuck in an elevator with an inept armed robber.

The Alan Brady Show crew come to prison to put on a show for Lyle Delp and his fellow inmates. Rob and Laura unwisely choose to wear prison uniforms for the show. Rob gets mistaken for a real prisoner and is thrown in the slammer. Rob has to figure a way to convince the disbelieving guard that he is who he says he is.

To help Rob, Millie sends raving pseudo fan letters praising Alan Brady for hosting a "brainy" documentary show on comedy that Rob wrote - only the show doesn't air, and the letters meant to help Rob could help him right out of his job.Note: This episode is the first episode in the series where Alan Brady starts appearing without his face being obscured.

Rob recounts the story of Laura meeting his parents for the first time and the disastrous results when she takes some medicine belonging to Millie.

Rob tries to help get a raise for Buddy and Sally but finds that hard to do after talking with Alan Brady's accountant.

Rob struggles to hide the severe symptoms of a flu virus at a family party for Laura's relatives rather than admit she was right against him golfing earlier that morning in damp conditions.

Mel wants a magazine reporter to watch the writers at work, but Rob thinks they'll all end up performing for the reporter instead of getting anything done. Turns out, that's not the half of it.

A manipulative old pal of Rob's asks him for repayment of a good turn he once provided Rob by helping him get a job.

A genial hobo finds the show's script that Rob lost en route home, but Rob's extended description of its irreplaceable value gives the man the idea to hold it for ransom.

After Buddy targets Rob for a crank phone call, he expects a reprisal, but the longer Rob takes to pay him back, the more paranoid Buddy becomes, suspecting everything and everybody.

Sally is asked to help Stacey learn how to date a lady.

Stacey waits till the day before his club opening to fess up to Julie about the author of her love letters from "James Garner", with the success of his new nightclub resting precariously on their meeting's outcome.

Rob regrets casting Ritchie and Freddie in a commercial after Laura and Millie turn into unbearable stage mothers.

Rob agrees to have a popular British singing duo spend the night at his home when they appear on Alan's show. There's one catch: he's sworn to secrecy and cannot tell anyone about it for fear of touching off a Beatlemania-like fan frenzy.

Rob takes a pillow salesman to court after buying pillows that smell like chickens.

Buddy and Rob run a shoe store they've invested in after chasing off its only full time salesman.

Rob and Laura are in a quandary over how Ritchie can protect himself from a girl who's been persistently beating him up at school.

When Rob discovers that he is not listed as a writer on a hit song he contributed to, he has to fight for his share of the royalties.

To explain his annual $37.50 "friendship" check to Jerry, Rob tells his new accountant the story of how he and Laura found their new house.

Sally falls head over heels over handsome, suave Anthony Stone, whom she met while on vacation in Jamaica. All is not what it seems as Rob and Buddy uncover a shocking secret about Sally's new boyfriend that will only cause heartache.

Laura and Rob plan to spend a romantic weekend in the city and see a play, until Laura runs into a little problem at the hotel.

Rob and Laura have no choice but to wear gloves to an important banquet due to an unusual accident while dying a costume for Ritchie's school play.

Alan needs Rob's help improving a script for his Broadway debut, but without anyone's knowledge.

Rob recalls his interview for The Alan Brady Show, which took place after a radio broadcast that kept him on the air for 100 hours straight.

Rob's new motorcycle causes him more problems than he bargained for.

When Buddy gets Rob and Laura a fur coat at a wholesale price, everything goes wrong.

Laura accidentally reveals a secret about Alan Brady on a national TV program.

Rob finds out trying to write a novel all by himself is a bit harder than he thinks.

Rob starts hearing a strange noise but no one will believe him, then he sees what appears to be a flying saucer.

The producers use a dog from a pound in a comedy sketch, and once the dog's work is done, Rob tries to find the ugly canine a new home.

A news article prompts Rob and Laura to recall the extremely handsome Clark Rice, who won Laura in an Army raffle and almost derailed Rob and Laura's relationship.

Laura talks Rob into going to her art class, but the art teacher seems to like Rob a little too much.

Rob inherits an old roll top desk from his late great uncle Hezekiah that contains wealth of some sort hinted at in a song.

When Freddie Helper connects the freckles on Rob's back with his marker, an interesting picture appears, one that others feel Rob should make publicly known.

The Petries wonder if they're being duped when former maid Maria sends her matador boyfriend to work for them. His personality doesn't seem that of the bullfighter he claims to be.

When school officials hear about Ritchie's version of the birds and the bees, Rob and Laura are forced to meet with the school's psychologist.

In a story told mostly as a flashback, Rob recalls his days as "Pitter Patter Petrie", the middleweight champion of Camp Crowder, Missouri, during his Army days. He also recounts how his then fiancée Laura was deeply worried about Rob's defense of his title against a well regarded challenger, even going so far as to suggest that Rob "take a dive."

Rob and Laura clash over which of them is the better writer of a children's story.

Police question Rob regarding a fracas in a bar room where a woman was injured. Rob finds himself in a jam when his accounting of his whereabouts during the fight doesn't hold water.

In a flashback episode, The Alan Brady Show goes on summer hiatus and Rob is worried how he'll support Laura (who is pregnant with Ritchie).

Laura gives Rob an expensive watch at a birthday party attended by several family friends, but when the watch goes missing shortly after the party, Rob reluctantly concludes that one of his close friends may be a thief.

New Rochelle politicians approach Rob to be their next city councilman. Flattered, Rob considers it but soon finds his life under their complete management.

As election day approaches, Rob finds his political rival extremely knowledgeable, well prepared and well suited for the job of councilman. Rob's strengths: a winning smile and physical height.

Laura accidentally drops a recently bestowed Petrie family heirloom (as ugly as it is priceless) down the garbage disposal and tries to cover up the mishap before anyone notices.

After Alan Brady blows up and fires Mel, the gang works to get his job back, even Buddy.

In another flashback episode, Rob and Laura take a romantic trip across the border to Mexico only to find out that the hotel they are staying in is where couples go to get divorced.

For a laugh, Sally advertises for a husband on national television. Among the numerous humorous responses, one serious reply stands out.

When Buddy keeps making excuses to leave the office early, Rob and Sally think he may be cheating on his wife.. but they are wrong.

While Rob and Laura are attending a wedding in Albany, Rob is asked by Alan to watch a fashion show to assess a possible guest star - but finding a TV proves to be difficult.

When Rob, Sally and Buddy have to dig through building trash containers for a lost script, Rob finds a network memo to Alan Brady saying he must fire one writer. Rather than be split up, they seek a new gig together.

A film crew takes over the Petrie house during Mille and Jerry's wedding anniversary party for an Alan Brady documentary that aims to show the megalomaniac's "human" side.

In a hurry to go to the theatre, Rob, Buddy and Sally forget to cross out all the insults about Alan they wrote in this week's script.

Having G-men use their house to stakeout a neighbor brings out the little boy in Rob, who eagerly wants to insinuate himself in the spy game.

Rob gets an opportunity to do a featured part in a movie, kissing a stunningly attractive woman - while Laura watches.

After Laura and Rob spend some time with their new neighbors, Jerry and Millie feel left out.

For the Petrie-Helper fishing trip, a cold sidelines Laura. Home alone, every little bump in the night raises fearful eyebrows. Millie's return to keep her company makes things worse.

While anesthetized in Jerry's dentist's chair for a tooth extraction, Rob dreams he's a sheriff in the Old West and has a showdown with Big Bad Brady.

Rob finally finishes his memoir after 5 years. As Laura begins to read it, we see flashbacks from previous shows, starting from when Rob met Laura.