The Bernie Mac Show

In the pilot, much to his chagrin, Bernie and Wanda are forced to take care of his sister's three children, Vanessa, Jordan, and Bryanna since she can no longer take care of them anymore.

Bernie's desperate to get away to Vegas with his friends, but Bryana's birthday and the germ infested children that it causes make it a difficulty.

Jordan is tormented by bullies at school, so Bernie teaches him some moves that unfortunately turn Jordan into a monster.

When Wanda plans a play date for a group of kids, Bernie ends up winning over the moms for the afternoon and becoming defensive about his masculinity.

Bernie and Wanda bring the kids to church to discipline them, but Bernie ends up being the immature one. Later on, the Bishop and Deacon show up at Bernie's house during his poker night and suggest that Bernie allow them to use his house for bible study.

Bernie realizes that the kids are here to stay, so he begins treating them differently. Wanda complains that Bernie is treating the kids like roomates and holds off sex from him until he realizes the kids are truly part of their family.

The kids get a dog from the pound, thinking it will be the perfect present for Bernie. Bernie finds the dog, hides it, thinking it is the perfect present for the kisd. They think he took it back to the pound, so they try and get revenge.

Separate schools have been chosen for each of the kids, with their individual needs in mind. Baby Girl's school lets each child decide what they wish to learn. A Catholic school with its strict discipline is chosen for Jordan and an all-round school for Nessa. When the first day of school begins, Bernie discovers the hard work of getting them there, presentable and prepared.

On a hot day, Vanessa detours the family's trip to the water park. Back at home, the kids act wild and the air conditioning breaks.

Wanda spends time with the kids and considers having a child with Bernie.

When Bernie realizes that anything he says to Jordan and Bryana first goes through Vanessa, he decides to stop fighting the situation and let Vanessa be responsible for the kids.

Jordan sets his sights on joining Vanessa and Bryana on the Bernie Mac Hall of Fame awards shelf. He decides to join his school's football team after hearing that everyone on the squad gets a trophy just for participating. Bernie is thrilled that Jordan is playing football until he sees his playing skills.

Bernie is booked on a popular morning radio show, and he gets himself into trouble with the whole family when he draws from his private life to bring comedy to the public airwaves.

At age 44, with a house full of kids, Bernie Mac starts to feel his age. He attempts to fight it, but it's a losing battle.

When someone breaks into the Mac house, Bernie realizes how vulnerable his family is and turns the house into a high-security compound. Bernie is reminded by his friends of all the crime that happens outside of the home and drives his family crazy with his over-protectiveness.

Impressed by the behavior and talents of another family's kids, Bernie cracks down on his own with a program of constant studying.

After hearing Bernie use inappropriate language at home, Bryana goes to school and repeats itâ€"much to the horror of her teacher. Soon after, a social worker shows up at the house to discuss Bernie's hostility problems.

Bernie is concerned that the kids are exposed to mature subjects.

Bernie takes Jordan to a Clippers' game but tells Wanda that Jordan has had an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital. Wanda tries to help Jordan 'feel better'. He feels guilty and asks Bernie if he can admit his wrongdoing. Bernie explains that it is occasionally ok to lie, but Jordan takes it to a whole new level. He manipulates his sisters, aunt, school, and even Bernie. When the family has dinner a slew of lies are admitted by everyone in the family.

Bernie lets his friend Kelly stay at the house after his girlfriend, Daphne, broke up with him.

The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral.

The kids hope to see their mother when the family heads to Chicago for a funeral. Don Cheadle guest stars as Bernie's Cousin D.

Bernie creates a public relations disaster while facing off with Matt Damon and Lucy Lawless in a charity golf tournament.

Bernie Mac tries to ween Bryana off her doll.

Car-pool complications wreck Bernie; a boy in the car pool starts blackmailing Jordan to be his friend.

The kids go on strike, after Bernie Mac doesn't pay them for the extra work they have to do.

Shortly after Jordan gets a snake for a school project, Bryana and Jordan starting fighting each other like wild animals.

Vanessa fails to invite Bernie to a father-daughter dance, and it drives him crazy.

After eating an entire Thanksgiving turkey, Bernie Mac has some weird nightmares; ones that might be telling him something.

Bernie and Wanda strive to present a united front when disciplining the children; Wanda becomes unhappy with this strategy because she's accustomed to playing the good cop.

Bernie Mac learns that he has high cholesterol, but refuses to change his eating habits/diet.

Jordan receives a lecture on sins from Father Cronin, but it seems to really hit home on Bryana. In addition, both Jordan and Bryana learn that Bernie Mac is a big sinner too.

Bernie offends Wanda's boss (Wesley Snipes) at a dinner party.

Jordan learns some magic tricks and uses them to charm his first crush.

Bernie calls on India.Arie to help out with Vanessa's talent show.

Bernie delays his Las Vegas flight to take the children to the movies as promised; Bryanna and Jordan sneak out of a G-rated movie to watch more-exciting fare.

When Jordan learns that Bryana has pink eye and has to miss a whole week of school, he goes crazy deliberately trying to get it too. But his results keep backfiring even in the end.

Jordan tries to butter Bernie Mac up by playing chess with him just so he can play paint ball. When that doesn't work, Jordan sets his own little chess simulation up, which Bernie Mac totally falls for.

Tired of having to run to the store all the time for the kids, Bernie Mac's friends introduce him to Cost Depot. At first this solution is so simple/fun but it soon gets very addicting.

Bernie Mac gets a maid for himself only but the kids use the maid behind his back.

Upset that the kids laze about every Saturday, he gets them involved in extra curricular activities. But he soon learns that, letting them laze about would have been better, as he has to be good parent and help out with these activities.

Bernie Mac's other sister Benita stops by for a visit and seems to corrupt the kids.

Wanda's parents come for a visit and start seeming to run the house better than them. But when Wanda and Bernie go out for a day, the grandparents have a bit of a tough time watching the kids.

Bernie Mac tries to give Jordan the best birthday party ever.

Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer.

When a litigious neighbor (Greg Germann) asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff.

When the children become obsessed with gifts, Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether; Wanda loses the Christmas spirit when she tries to get everyone on her staff a gift.

Bernie turns to Angela Bassett for acting advice when he lands a dramatic role as a stroke victim; Jordan leads a revolt at a day care facility; Vanessa pretends to be poor.

Bernie takes Jordan to the local barber shop to meet his friends. Unfortunately, Aunt Wanda doesn't like what goes on there, when Jordan casually repeats things said there. Bernie tells Jordan the code; what happens there stays there. Unfortunately, he forgets the 2nd half, what's said at home; stays there.

Bernie tries to scare away Vanessa's new boyfriend but realizes what a good role model he is for Jordan; Wanda has trouble letting go of her old shoes.

Wanda disrupts Bernie's writing process as he prepares for an appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

Relatives pester Bernie at a family barbecue; Bernie quashes Vanessa's flirtation with a distant cousin.

Bryana is upset when Bernie takes a villainous role opposite her favorite character, a friendly dinosaur (David Faustino); Jordan sells candy bars at school.

Jordan is found to be a champion speller---until he gets in front of an audience. But Bernie's tip on beating stage fright backfires.

Despite Bernie's offer to buy him a car, Wanda's father cannot get along with him; flashbacks show when they all met.

Bernie realizes he may have been too truthful when telling Jordan about his father, so he amends the truth to make Jordan think well of his father.

Bernie volunteers as a teacher's helper to assess the teaching methods used at Bryana's school; Wanda is at wits' end trying to reason with Vanessa and Jordan.

The family goes to San Diego for a relaxing vacation; Bernie, unable to relax, goes to Las Vegas for some gambling and debauchery.

Bernie Mac gets a motorcycle, but after crashing and having a dream of what would happen if he died; he goes crazy safety-proofing the house.

Dr. Phil McGraw counsels Bernie on how to deal with Wanda, who feels left out after Bernie and the guys draft a woman (Mo'Nique) into their group.

Neighbor Carl Reiner plays the ultimate practical joke on Bernie.

Spending time with Bernie's manager teaches Jordan some harsh realities of show business. Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson have cameos.

Bernie stops by the Playboy Mansion to get advice from Hugh Hefner on how to talk to Jordan about sex.

Bryana starts turning into a monster (acting like a spoiled brat, stealing things, and etc)

On Bernie's 40th birthday, he is electrically shocked by an old lady and forced to be a clown at a children's party.

The Mac family is invited over to one of Vanessa's teachers for Thanksgiving dinner; who are all vegetarians.

After overhearing that Vanessa once smoked, Bernie Mac pries into her journal. Soon he gets hidden cameras all throughout the house and becomes addicted to watching everyone's secrets. But eventually he gets more than he bargained for.

After Bernie takes the training wheels off Bryana's bike, she crashes and injures her jaw. Bernie is later coerced into chaperoning her and several other special needs kids on a field trip. Meanwhile Jordan, finds an old cast and uses to get out of gym class.

Bernie must baby-sit for Bryana and deal with Jordan, who was sent home from school for pulling a fire alarm unnecessarily.

Bernie has no patience when trying to teach Vanessa to drive.

After Bryana accidentally sees Bernie Mac naked, he has her share Vanessa's room so she can be with the same sex. But when things don't work out well, they're forced to add another bedroom, so each kid has their own separate room.

Bernie's little sister is getting married, but the way Wanda throws herself into the planning, one would think she's the bride..

Bryana's standardized test scores prompt Bernie to send her to Jordan's school, but she is so far behind that they threaten to move her back a grade.

Jordan tries to fit in with the popular crowd and, after taking Bernie's advice, winds up losing his lunch money in a poker game.

Wanda urges Vanessa to join an enrichment organization she once belonged to, but they learn times have changed when Vanessa and her new friends are charged with shoplifting.

Vanessa starts dating a boy and Bernie likes him until he finds out he has a child.

Vanessa tries to increase her chances of being accepted into a college by joining the drill team, which pleases Bernie until he sees one of the squad's provocative routines.

After a tragic accident happens at Bryana's birthday party, Bernie Mac gets summoned.

When Jordan develops a crush on a girl at school, Bernie takes it upon himself to teach Jordan how to be a "player" and get the girl.

Jordan's prank anonymous phone calls have surprising consequences.

Nessa wants to surprise everyone with her talent for music.

Bernie is sick and tired of Jordan staying home, watching TV, and fighting with Bryana. He wants him to walk home with his kids his own age, but this makes the situation worse.

When a man arrives from Chicago claiming to be Bryana's father, Bernie is cautiously supportive.

Jordan joins the wrestling team and wins matches by default because there's no one in his size/weight range to battle. But Bernie Mac doesn't know this.

Upset that the kids are dropping out of their extra curricular activities Bernie Mac decides to run in a marathon, but its much harder than he thought. In the end, Vanessa takes his place.

Upset that Vanessa is living the free life, Bernie Mac has Vanessa work for him. Shortly, after wards Vanessa learns that his co-workers get all this free stuff because they mention they work for Bernie Mac. Vanessa takes big advantage of this, until Bernie Mac finds out. Later on, Vanessa has to bring one of his precious statues home but it breaks in a car accident. Jordan offers to fix it, with of course a price (some of the free stuff Vanessa got).

Vanessa turns to Curtis for help fixing up her junk heap when Bernie refuses to buy her a new car; Jordan schemes to attend a concert.

Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.

The kids finally cross Aunt Wanda's line while Bernie's away. Bernie gives Aunt Wanda "Big Mama's Belt" to keep them in line. The kids wind up fearing her even more than Bernie Mac.

When Bryana's father, Bryan (Anthony Anderson), visits, he threatens Bernie's relationship with Jordan and undermines Bernie's barbecuing techniques.

After misbehaving yet again, Bernie punishes Bryana and Jordan severely. Yet again Wanda thinks he's being too hard on them. But in the end, she catches on. Vanessa turns out to be the sneakiest of them all.

In an effort to bring family members closer together, Wanda insists they participate in the annual parish retreat.

This episode Bernie and Wanda seriously discuss adopting the children as their own. They talk about it in the car dealership where I try and sell them a car. This episode may have either aired on Dec 16, 2005 or Jan 6, 2006.

When Wanda invites Tasha, Vanessa's best friend from Chicago, to stay with them, Bernie is worried he will have another difficult teen in his house.

After several failed attempts, Bernie and Wanda realize that making a baby is harder than they thought, and Wanda begins to question their fertility.

Bernie and Wanda have undertaken fertility treatments. Wanda suffers from mood swings due to hormonal issues. Distracted with the idea of having a child the couple neglect to stay on top of the kids they already have. Vanessa shares her experience with babies joining a family. She explains the baby will be Bernie's own baby girl, or his son. Everyone will have to adjust, and one will be replaced. Bernie and Wanda adjust to ups and downs with treatment, having to ride out extreme highs, lows, hopes, fears, and consider how committed they have to be to the process, rife...

Jordan and Bernie Mac start a fantasy football league but do poor; and Bernie Mac won't really listen to Jordan. With that, Jordan eventually goes to a different league secretly behind Bernie Mac's back. Vanessa primps herself up with make-up for her senior photo. Bryana wants some of the make up too, so Vanessa gives her some of her old makeup. But Bryana gets caught with it at school.

After a Jewish family arrive in the neighborhood, Bernie urges Jordan to befriending the son, David. Though hesitant at first Jordan begins to develop a friendship with his new neighbor. Not long after-wards David invites Jordan to attend his cousin's bar mitzvahs with him. After receiving various expensive parting gifts Jordan and David decide to crash bar mitzvahs of people to whom they do not know in order to receive more gifts. Before long it's time for David's bar mitzvahs but Jordan comes to a dilemma because this happens to be the same day of a very wealthy ...

Baby girls daddy Brian helps out around the house and the kids start preferring him over their Uncle Bernie causing Bernie Mac to take offense. Baby girl gets called flat chested at school and Brian and Bernie fight over who gets to buy her a new bra. Jordan competes for best smile at school.

Vanessa's school prom is coming up so Bernie Mac picks a boy friend out for her (after doing his usual protective background check). Even after he chooses, he has all these worried fantasies. Bryana injures her ankle so Jordan has to be her servant, but in the end after Bryana took it a bit far Jordan gets some redemption.

Jordan dates Erica, one of the cheerleaders at school. Bernie is delighted, but when Jordan and Erica break up, he tries to remedy the situation.

Wanda's sister visits and wants to throw a roller-disco party for Wanda's birthday.

Bernie makes Vanessa prove she can manage her money.

The kids' carelessness causes Bernie to have a near-death experience.